Commercials are deception incarnate. Their entire purpose is to get you to buy Brand A's shit over Brand B's, even though both are likely the same stale turds. They are designed to tap in to your sub-conscience and convince you their product really is the best out there, and keep you thinking about the company they were created for. I for one cannot tolerate this. I do understand some businesses really do depend on getting their name out there, and the best way for that is to maybe buy some airtime or rent some ad space, and that's fine. I still don't like them, being all "there," but they are necessary for local or small companies to squeeze themselves into the market. I only feel the true abhorrent rage inside when I see or hear an ad for a company that, before the advertisement, I knew full well existed and what they offered in terms of goods and/or services.
Take McDonalds, for example. The spelling alone, what with two capitol letters trying to mug a poor lower-case 'c' is enough to remind me that, somewhere, there is a red and white building serving not-old-enough-to-be-tossed food made by people who either wonder where life went wrong or are not yet old enough to buy liquor. I don't need 15 seconds of auditory rape to enforce this fact. I live in the US, I fucking know what McD's is. Most of their ads are just images of people looking like they get orgasms with each bite they take set to crappy music, and others script dialogue that makes me wonder if its actualy legal to target the mentally handicapped exclusively in advertising. Top it all off that entire ad campaigns can cost the company billions just makes me wonder why exactly they find maintaining brand recognition for an international, multi-billion dollar company is so much more important than actually paying their workers enough to care about their jobs to the point we finally won't associate cheap, cold, greasy food with sadness and misery. The point is, billions are being spent per company to perform redundant tasks rather than improve the welfare of the very people that make their financial system operate. McD's may have been a bad example, as they only donated a few thousand dollars to a continent they offended over a famine, despite being in the food industry and commanding more money than any other non-governmental entity in history.
As with needlessness, the blatant lying is another aspect of advertising I despise. For example, Verizon and AT&T's 4G commercials. They each have this part where they whip out these coverage maps, displaying their mighty command of red ink while the other guys are struggling with blue still. Both companies said this about the other. Now, I'm no professor of things or such, but something tells me somebody is lying. My guess? Both. The stronger of the two networks would probably kill to match the shittier map, while the better map is what one of the marketing guys saw in a wet dream they had. In fact, I can attest that most of what they say is covered is not. When 4G was new, there was a billboard that said "Fastest 4g in [Your Area]" I'm not even joking with that, the font of my city was different and everything. Anyway, the kicker was that, wait for it... we didn't even have 4G available in our area. Not a single part of the network was built in our region yet. We wouldn't get it for months after the sign went up. And I'm guessing people bought from that particular company during that time under the assumption they were getting the better product. Well, they got no product, because they were still using the 3G their old phones used, which basically means the company stole from them through deception, a misdemeanor offense. Just saying.
For a different variety of advertisement, there is the portrayal of their customers. Commercials for women will paint the wife as the smart, sensible and ultimate decider in the family's life, and the husband would surely die wandering the wilderness of suburbia without her guidance. This may appease the more narcissistic housewives out there, but it completely cuts men out of the market. My impression is that the product must be too difficult for me, as a penis-holder, to be able to use, even if it's yogurt. Fucking a, that one where the lady is talking about all the flavors of yogurt she has, while the husband is frantically tearing the fridge apart, looking right at the damned cups that have written on them every word the woman is saying and deciding if its something yummy, it just cannot be sugared milk products. That's chick food! But no, if women buy 51% of the total product sold, you can bet your ass the commercial will tell you men are incapable of figuring out what it does.
If it's a man's product, like body wash or scented shampoo, then just slap in some boobies and explosions and wait for the money to be shotgunned into your face. I mean, what the hell? I love me some tits just as much as the next guy, but this is two thousand fucking twelve. There is porn literally two pages away every time I open an internet session. Why do ads continue to show us scantily clad women in an effort to sell more of their shoddy product as if I would buy it in a desperate effort to see more boobies? If I start feeling the urge to see breasticles, I'm not going to buy alcoholic piss water, I'm going to go on the internet and type "lesbian threesome" into my search bar. Done, and I lost zero dollars to a bunch of lying dickheads.
But, even with all this, they still know we frequent internet users look at things all the time, so there are ads there as well. This is nothing new, as the first popups were being designed before there actually was an internet, but the tactics used in internet advertising are just cruel. Pop-ups, for example. I'm sitting here, playing some browser game or reading up on funny anecdotes, when suddenly, your screen is not yours to command, but belongs to a full page ad for shit not even idiots would want. In fact, whenever an ad forces me to watch it, I make the conscious decision to never buy from that source, ever. I probably wasn't going to, but I definitely won't now. What's worse is the popups that don't have an x to click, at least not right away, so you have to sit there for a few seconds before you even have the option to ignore it. Then, the x will be wherever the fuck they felt like putting it, and is typically only slightly larger than the pixels on you screen. You need to have sharpshooting skills Marine snipers would envy to hit that x. And, of course, the x will sometimes be a lie itself, taking you to some shady ass site that's just dumping spyware and malware into your computer, opening a new tab to some other shady site, and if you're lucky you get a new browser window that will never load. Oh, and some popups are automatically brought up in a new window, but they never expand, sitting on your command bar in silence, hoping you don't notice long enough for it own your hard drive and to set your homepage to "smoothgrannyslovin.info" which is a total scam, as there was no lovin' and nothing was smooth.
As always, I have more, but I'm already rambling and if I go on I will just make less and less sense through my rage fits.
Take McDonalds, for example. The spelling alone, what with two capitol letters trying to mug a poor lower-case 'c' is enough to remind me that, somewhere, there is a red and white building serving not-old-enough-to-be-tossed food made by people who either wonder where life went wrong or are not yet old enough to buy liquor. I don't need 15 seconds of auditory rape to enforce this fact. I live in the US, I fucking know what McD's is. Most of their ads are just images of people looking like they get orgasms with each bite they take set to crappy music, and others script dialogue that makes me wonder if its actualy legal to target the mentally handicapped exclusively in advertising. Top it all off that entire ad campaigns can cost the company billions just makes me wonder why exactly they find maintaining brand recognition for an international, multi-billion dollar company is so much more important than actually paying their workers enough to care about their jobs to the point we finally won't associate cheap, cold, greasy food with sadness and misery. The point is, billions are being spent per company to perform redundant tasks rather than improve the welfare of the very people that make their financial system operate. McD's may have been a bad example, as they only donated a few thousand dollars to a continent they offended over a famine, despite being in the food industry and commanding more money than any other non-governmental entity in history.
As with needlessness, the blatant lying is another aspect of advertising I despise. For example, Verizon and AT&T's 4G commercials. They each have this part where they whip out these coverage maps, displaying their mighty command of red ink while the other guys are struggling with blue still. Both companies said this about the other. Now, I'm no professor of things or such, but something tells me somebody is lying. My guess? Both. The stronger of the two networks would probably kill to match the shittier map, while the better map is what one of the marketing guys saw in a wet dream they had. In fact, I can attest that most of what they say is covered is not. When 4G was new, there was a billboard that said "Fastest 4g in [Your Area]" I'm not even joking with that, the font of my city was different and everything. Anyway, the kicker was that, wait for it... we didn't even have 4G available in our area. Not a single part of the network was built in our region yet. We wouldn't get it for months after the sign went up. And I'm guessing people bought from that particular company during that time under the assumption they were getting the better product. Well, they got no product, because they were still using the 3G their old phones used, which basically means the company stole from them through deception, a misdemeanor offense. Just saying.
For a different variety of advertisement, there is the portrayal of their customers. Commercials for women will paint the wife as the smart, sensible and ultimate decider in the family's life, and the husband would surely die wandering the wilderness of suburbia without her guidance. This may appease the more narcissistic housewives out there, but it completely cuts men out of the market. My impression is that the product must be too difficult for me, as a penis-holder, to be able to use, even if it's yogurt. Fucking a, that one where the lady is talking about all the flavors of yogurt she has, while the husband is frantically tearing the fridge apart, looking right at the damned cups that have written on them every word the woman is saying and deciding if its something yummy, it just cannot be sugared milk products. That's chick food! But no, if women buy 51% of the total product sold, you can bet your ass the commercial will tell you men are incapable of figuring out what it does.
If it's a man's product, like body wash or scented shampoo, then just slap in some boobies and explosions and wait for the money to be shotgunned into your face. I mean, what the hell? I love me some tits just as much as the next guy, but this is two thousand fucking twelve. There is porn literally two pages away every time I open an internet session. Why do ads continue to show us scantily clad women in an effort to sell more of their shoddy product as if I would buy it in a desperate effort to see more boobies? If I start feeling the urge to see breasticles, I'm not going to buy alcoholic piss water, I'm going to go on the internet and type "lesbian threesome" into my search bar. Done, and I lost zero dollars to a bunch of lying dickheads.
But, even with all this, they still know we frequent internet users look at things all the time, so there are ads there as well. This is nothing new, as the first popups were being designed before there actually was an internet, but the tactics used in internet advertising are just cruel. Pop-ups, for example. I'm sitting here, playing some browser game or reading up on funny anecdotes, when suddenly, your screen is not yours to command, but belongs to a full page ad for shit not even idiots would want. In fact, whenever an ad forces me to watch it, I make the conscious decision to never buy from that source, ever. I probably wasn't going to, but I definitely won't now. What's worse is the popups that don't have an x to click, at least not right away, so you have to sit there for a few seconds before you even have the option to ignore it. Then, the x will be wherever the fuck they felt like putting it, and is typically only slightly larger than the pixels on you screen. You need to have sharpshooting skills Marine snipers would envy to hit that x. And, of course, the x will sometimes be a lie itself, taking you to some shady ass site that's just dumping spyware and malware into your computer, opening a new tab to some other shady site, and if you're lucky you get a new browser window that will never load. Oh, and some popups are automatically brought up in a new window, but they never expand, sitting on your command bar in silence, hoping you don't notice long enough for it own your hard drive and to set your homepage to "smoothgrannyslovin.info" which is a total scam, as there was no lovin' and nothing was smooth.
As always, I have more, but I'm already rambling and if I go on I will just make less and less sense through my rage fits.
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